


My Life on the D-List

by Aishuu



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Halloween, The Worst Batman Villains Ever, Trick or Treat: Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 15:30:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16370261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aishuu/pseuds/Aishuu
Summary: Halloween was the Worst Night of the Year in Gotham, but Dick Grayson had thought he’d be dealing with some of the big time players while Bruce tied himself into knots over the Scarecrow’s latest. He’d been anticipating a slugfest with Two-Face, or maybe a night at Arkham preventing the Joker from breaking out, but instead he was stuck with a bunch of D-listers that were using Halloween as an excuse to let their freak flags fly.





	My Life on the D-List

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FleetSparrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleetSparrow/gifts).



Dick Grayson already had a Batman costume which he had gratefully retired upon Bruce’s return from the space-time mix-up. 

Putting it back on after a bet with Jason Todd had seemed like a good idea at the time, but he was starting to have serious regrets. The costume was heavier than the one he wore as Nightwing since it was designed with more direct contact in mind, and that subtle shift in fighting style was coming back to haunt him. 

Halloween was the Worst Night of the Year in Gotham, but he’d thought he’d be dealing with some of the big time players while Bruce tied himself into knots over the Scarecrow’s latest. He’d been anticipating a slugfest with Two-Face, or maybe a night at Arkham preventing the Joker from breaking out, but instead he was stuck with a bunch of D-listers that were using Halloween as an excuse to let their freak flags fly.

The evening had started well enough, with him scaring some young hoodlums before they actually committed a crime by dropping down into the alley from a five story building. One simple growl, and they had almost shit themselves in terror before running away. They probably would’ve picked a fight with Nightwing, but Batman had a certain elan that stopped fights before they began.

And Commissioner Gordon thought vigilantes were only reactive! 

Then the first costumed villain showed up, and he was almost disappointed to see the Made of Wood Killer with his trademark bat. A carefully placed batarang got rid of it, and Dick had him tied to a lamppost for the police to pick up and ship back to Blackgate on a parole violation. 

Things had gone downhill from there.

Crazies he hadn’t seen since he’d found scaly panties fashionable were coming out of the woodwork. He’d tangled with Crazy Quilt (a couple of mirrors placed just right distracted him from bleaching some of Jackson Pollack’s finest), Kite Man (the man should know better than to use simple fabric in his kites if he didn’t want them cut to pieces) and Egghead (Dick had always wanted to literally hit someone over the head with a frying pan).

He hadn’t made so many bad puns in _years_ , but their very existence was asking for it. It would have been almost fun if he didn’t smell like a hideous blend of fish sauce, vinegar, and sriracha the Condiment King had doused him in. If he'd been wearing his usual costume, he'd've ducked the attack, no problem, but the heavier armor had impeded him just enough for a lucky hit.

Dick may have been rougher than necessary when he hung the Condiment King from a lamppost in response.

He really wanted a shower.

It still wasn’t even midnight, though, and he’d just have to suffer since he doubted he’d have time for a costume change. At least he wasn’t in the sewer chasing Killer Croc.

The part of him that whined at wasting his talents on a sidekick-level villain sighed when he saw an overweight man in unmistakable costume trying to break into a jewelry store using a sharpened lollipop.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you too much candy would rot your teeth?” Dick called out as he swung down to cut off the villain’s possible escape route.

He ducked as Sweet Tooth threw a bunch of explosive Tootsie-rolls at him, and wondered why the hell he hadn’t been smart enough to declare tonight a Bludhaven night.


End file.
